For obvious reasons, weak erection takes on a somewhat disproportionate importance as men advance well past middle age and grow physically weaker. While in most cases, this is not a pressing concern among the vast majority of younger men, a similar problem — that of premature ejaculation — appears to be just as overwhelmingly important.
Come to think of it, is there a particularly compelling reason why premature ejaculation is getting this much scrutiny? A major contributing factor is without a doubt the fact that people today are not anymore ready to endure a sex life that is less than gratifying. The wide-reaching information increase about sexual concerns that transpired in recent years is due to the open access to pornography on the internet and the gradual lessening of sexual inhibitions.
This indicates that formerly taboo subject matters such as premature ejaculation are now more mainstream, easier to deal with, and actually easier for people to discuss. But even now, only a few men try to find therapy.
Perhaps, it’s a matter of self-esteem for men but the latest medical findings reveal that a large number of men affected by premature ejaculation problems failed to seek any form of remedy for their condition. For females, it represents a frustrating break in rhythm and connection at the most important juncture of lovemaking. The problem is not really about a woman’s inability to reach climax through conventional sex, because that is comparatively rare anyway, but more about the fact that pleasurable sex is cut short at the very stage when there is real sexual connection. The closeness of the sexual union is suddenly broken prior to a woman gaining a sense of real connection with the man.
Ironically, effective solutions to this dysfunction were already known more than half a century ago when early researchers like Masters and Johnson mentioned sexual psychotherapy and other treatments. And these clinical interventions – commonly known as a “stop-start” technique and the “squeeze” technique – actually work! That these techniques aren’t as popularly accepted (and used) as might be expected is because sexual partners don’t have the inclination to keep on using them. Partly this is because it’s a lot easier for a man to just relinquish his self-control and surrender to the impulse to climax during sex. The male habitually does this at the point of ejaculation.
There’s no doubt that the desire to release sperm during sex is powerfully irresistible for the majority of men. It’s the product of millennia of human evolution. The female needs to get pregnant for the species to survive, so the desire to release is a naturally instinctive reaction. But, like most instinctive responses, males can muzzle it – by taking a decision to actually develop control of ejaculation. In short, the desire to ejaculate can be overcome, marginalized, and sacrificed for the longer term results of gaining greater self-control during longer lasting intercourse.
Preventing premature ejaculation is a rewarding path to achieve a greater degree of masculine self-respect, positive self-image, and sexual self-control. But what is normal? Anything that’s as intrinsic (as sex is) to human relationships is, by definition, always influenced by cultural and social norms. Consequently, while some findings have concluded that the mean duration of sexual intercourse is about seven minutes, the length of intimacy considered as average for intercourse in non-Western societies is totally different.
Let’s pause and consider this for a moment. How exactly do they determine duration in sexual intercourse? It’s problematic, to say the least, that a stop watch needs to be used during a most intimate encounter between a man and his partner to measure the exact time between penile entry and ejaculation. So what degree of reliability are we reasonably able to accept on results measured through a stop watch operated by the female partner enjoying sexual intercourse with her partner, unless she’s completely detached from the stimulation? And if the woman is in fact indifferent to to be able to measure the time correctly, does that imply that a man may not be especially concerned about controlling his ejaculation?
Hoping an experimental protocol like this might yield some kind of accurate data sounds naively sophomoric. And even if we did accept seven minutes as the average length of time for sexual intercourse (and seven minutes is in fact longer than many clinical tests have shown as the median length of time of intercourse), then how do we interpret the fact that in certain Arabic cultures fast release is singularly viewed as a signature of virility? This signifies that the estimated frequency of premature ejaculation in these Middle Eastern countries appears to be substantially lower than in, say, South America, where men consider drawn-out lovemaking as a symbol of masculinity.
Dr. Marcel Waldinger, a neuropsychiatric specialist , is one of the top medical therapists who have done extensive studies and tests on premature ejaculation in his own sexual health facility in the Netherlands. He believes that the real number of males in the general population who are actually experiencing premature ejaculation is significantly lower than reports from research paid for by drug corporations might lead us to believe. His technique is to measure the time between penetration and ejaculation. He maintains that this is the only objective indicator of whether a man suffers from premature ejaculation or not.
Outside issues such as concerns about sexual satisfaction or a man’s own estimate of the degree of his own self-control are generally excluded from Dr. Waldinger’s measurements. However, many people would consider those things as indispensably essential to defining premature ejaculation. Indeed, premature ejaculation has traditionally been described in a manner that demonstrates either one or both of the partners in a sexual relationship to be feeling emotional frustration directly attributable to the male partner’s rapid ejaculation. The reasoning here is that even if a couple only achieves thirty seconds of lovemaking but both are fulfilled and happy with this, then the man, based on the classical definition, is not really a premature ejaculator.
Is this important? I’m fully convinced that it is important, for several reasons. First, it’s not only motivating but practical for males to have a a set of standards by which they can evaluate themselves as lovers. The scarcity of this type of information can often cause distress and uncertainty when a man has no sense of how he rates sexually compared to all his peers.
Unless his friends are being honest about their sexual performance and talking about it explicitly, he won’t know whether a couple of minutes, five minutes or 10 minutes is sufficient. And even if he does manage to make love for ten minutes but the woman doesn’t reach orgasm, he will still have no idea if he’s achieving a superior sexual performance or not.
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